Peru... Cusco

Weather: Dont know was on bus

Llama Count: Too many.

Paddington Bear relation count: 0, no one seems to know who he is out here.

I ought to be getting used to bus journeys. But they are not getting any better. The smelly toothless woman next to me did not improve the situation.

I was probably quite lucky to get across the border, the border policeman held up by visa slip and asked -que passe?- said Visa slip was crumbled torn and had at some point been watered.  I tried to explain I dropped it in the shower, before being interrupted by Alizee who I think said in bullet fast Spanish that I was half sharp and could the Policeman please get a move on, there was another stamp in my passport anyway.

Welcome to Peru, unsurprisingly it looks a bit like a smarter version of Bolivia. I am yet to see any super glue.

Peruvian buses are just like Bolivian buses with two exceptions:

1. The women who come on board sell fluorescent jelly, and chocola which is disappointingly corn not chocolate.

2. Travelling salesmen join the trip for about an hour at a time trying to flog their products.

Travelling Salesman number one:

He begins with a quiz handing out caramels for correct answers to general knowledge questions... The final one being how many litres of water should you drink a day. The correct answer is two, and the woman next to me wins a caramel. Then begins his public health lecture on how important it is to drink this amount of water. Considering I am facing a twelve hour bus journey I havent drunk anything. I begin to feel bad. Then he starts on how not drinking water leads to Colon cancer, and brings up sheets of ugly tumours. Apparently you can also get an infected colon that swells, gives you a bear belly, and causes ageing. We are shown a picture of normal man and man with infected colon. Normal man is shown with pretty girlfriend/wife. Then we are told that there is a solution -- Gin Seng and green tea. The man successfully sells a bunch of this stuff, and then leaves.

Travelling Salesman number two:

He begins with a religious lecture: Isn't it good that we all trust in God and Jesus, and hopefully he will guide us safely to the houses of our family tonight. (A fair prayer considering the erratic driving going on as he spoke.) However, apparently God doesn't protect you against cancer. Cue a long line of explicit photos of scary looking tumors on all parts of the body. He particularly focuses on the prostrate, and then he leaves the cancer discussion for the moment and takes a side step. Apparently prostrate infections (sometimes mistaken for cancer) are deeply linked to erectile dysfunction, and I am pretty sure he said at one point that some doctors cure the infection by chopping it off. Cue another dodgy photo. All men in the captive bus audience are addressed individually and each one squirms. The man tells them not to worry he has the magic solution.  A magic Chinese mushroom, which is yours today for five Soles. He adds that some conmen try to sell Gin Seng to cure cancer, and that it is nothing but sugar and dirt. He sells one mushroom to a woman. He departs telling the men that he will be available at Cusco bus station should they want to purchase the magic product in private.

The bus finally reaches Cusco.