Salkantay Day 3

Weather... The guide said it wouldn't rain today. It pours for a good three hours of walking, and then is sunny for the rest of the days events.

Llama Count... 0... Although I am sure the Dutch and Turkish guys did good impressions of llamas many times in the evening.

Today was an easier day... in walking terms. We only plodded for the morning, through beautiful cloud forests, with humming birds, wild orchids, waterfalls, and peruvian rain. Definite highlight was discovering wild avocado trees- even if the were lacking avocado.

We returned to civilisation for lunch, and it was a shock. The villages restaurant had blaring trance music to accompany the inevitable lunch of rice and meat.

The afternoon was scheduled for rest and relaxation. It began with a classically terrifying collectivo ride the local hot springs. Here all European bodies were sacrificed to the whims of the local mosquitoes as they waited in the queue to enter the pool. Having perfected a deet mist for the past few weeks around my arms and face, my naked legs were quickly eaten alive by the hungry bloodsucking beggers. The hot springs were beautiful, situated in a valley next to a white water river, with steep mountains on all sides. However, something was definitely afoot, while we were swimming the peruvians were setting up spotlights, and a stage all around us. Before long it became clear, we had arrived just in time for...

Miss Coffee Santa Teresa 2012 Beauty Pageant.

The guide couldn't believe his luck, 'lots of girls in bikinis' he kept repeating.
'Lots of local village girls in bikinis' the Spanish and Dutch guys added

... and so began the excruciatingly slow build up to the the pageant.

It began with a speech by the mayor, this lasted for almost half an hour. The highlight of the speech was definitely the statement that high culture tourist events like these would attract more tourists. To be fair one particular Dutch guy was on the edge of his seat for the whole contest. Then we had a couple of local folk bands... we asked the guide if they were famous, he replied enthusiastically yes yes... they are from Cusco.

The girls arrived two and a half hours late. They then proceeded to change into their formal dress wear in the banos (bathroom) for the hot springs. The only problem with this was that the doors had gaps at the top, and the eager members of the local crowd, broke through the lines of (heavily armed) security to take a picture over the top of the doors.

Finally the girls arrived, all dressed in white, with masks of make up diamante jewellery, and very delicate high heels. They performed a dance routine, which was a little bit confused, and almost ended with one candidate falling into the hot springs.

Then it was time for a change of costume and more folk music. The girls appeared in their traditional dress... if their traditional dress conformed to the dress code of a Halloween in the Mean Girls film, with no brightly coloured hemline grazing anything lower than a buttock, and every chest pumped up to its full magnitude with the aid of a tightly fitting corset. It was time for an even more confused dance routine.

By this time it was getting late, and the guide decided he couldn't possibly give our driver any more beer (I am not joking at this point, this was how the driver was being bribed to stay at the beauty pageant.) So we all tramped back for an even scarier ride in the taxi, along a cliff lined road in the middle of Peruvian wilderness. Sadly we did not get to see what the girls would wear for their 'night time' and 'miss nice' routines.

By this point the health anxious Dutch guy and the Turkish guy had consumed a fair few beers. Their mid life crises were well and truly pushed over the edge by a bottle of the local Inca Tequila. This concoction had never seen a bottle of Tequila in its life. It tasted a bit like Irish porcine, and the Tea with Tea I had tried in Bolivia. Absolutely vile stuff. Anyway before long, the Turkish guy was declaring he was off to the Amazon to build a bonfire, and the Dutch guy was stumbling around looking for a wild pizza.

The drunken two had very sore heads the next morning. The greatest shock of the night was that the Dutch guy had found a woman to go to bed with... A female baby tarantula had crawled in beside him in the night. On being presented with this hairy specimen the following day, he could only reply that he was glad he had finally found a woman. Spider was returned to jungle pretty quickly, as he was definitely still not sober, and no one quite put it past him trying to kiss his new found love.

I am sure you are on the edge of your seat wanting to hear who won Miss Coffee 2012.... Luckily the guide had returned for the finale after dinner. Apparently a 19 year old called Jocelyn won, she was single and ran the local chicken shop. The guide seemed surprisingly well informed... when asked about his marital status he replied that he wasn't married but his girl friend definitely was.